You’ve Dated All The Wrong Guys!

Yesterday, while I was talking to my friend who’s definitely growing old with time (I figured it out from the way he was talking to me), we started discussing about our lives, our relationships, Kolkata, and how “koi to mil he jayega” in Delhi if you’re single because it’s the capital city which is overcrowded with people from all the different states of India. You have more probability of finding a guy/girl if you’re living in Delhi. As we laughed over those old times and talked about our crushes, a statement immediately came from my friend that “You’ve always dated the wrong guys”.

A few months ago, I would have said “yes” but now when I think about all the moments I feel that they were a great company including my first love who said some mean things about my complexion and how he deserves a better girl than me. I do wish him a great life, but now I see him full of regrets. Suddenly, he has started respecting me. May be my complexion has got better with time. May be I look a little sexy now (thanks to my dusky complexion). Our chat made me think about what exactly attracted me towards men. What made me fall for them? What made me feel that I am truly, deeply and madly in love with the guy? I thought about it.

Because, he is HAWT

And as I am thinking about the same during the lunch hours, I thought of making a list. This list is more important because I can always check it and see whether Mr. Right is perfectly RIGHT for me. Yeah, I have found my MR. RIGHT.

• Beard. A little more beard. And, a lot of beard. Beard makes you look like a man, even when you’re not. I LOVE MEN WITH BEARD. They look HAWT.
• Oh!! Now this is going to be a mean statement. But, I have never liked a Bengali guy. I always wanted to date either a Punjabi or probably someone from BIHAR. They have great IQ.
• Too many complements. Of course, when you’re in India, you just don’t know whether the guy is complementing you or he just want to reach your pants. Sudden compliments are good. They are normal. Compliments over phone or “You should wear saree more” kindaa whatsApp irritates me.
• Married men. I can never ever fall in love with a married man. Well, it doesn’t mean that they are bad. Cheating on your spouse is definitely not my cup of tea. You may have a sexless marriage. Walk out if it’s not working for you. This is also true for the lovely ladies.
• One night stands. No matter how hot the guy is, I simply cannot imagine this situation.
• Guys who always need sex and keep saying, “Baby, let’s do it”. I am a normal girl. I like sex. But, I don’t work in the porn industry baby.
• Talk about politics. Talk about travelling. Talk about any social work you did. I will give you a 10/10. Guys who hit gym all the time and spend a lot of money on protein shake. KOI BACHAOOOO!
• Men who are secretive. They don’t want to talk about their family or ex-girlfriends. Men who are lazy, mechanical and don’t move their asses when you need them.
• Yeah. I did like going to the discs/discos when I was young. Now, I hate going to such places. I would love to spend time in my home. I will cook for my man. I enjoy long drives. No SHOR SHARABA. Ek cup ki CHAI is awesome.
• I don’t like men who don’t plan things, especially because I don’t plan. You heard it right. When you don’t plan, you need someone who plans. Opposites attract. Right?
• I like men who calls/texts/listens to your problem and ask you to keep your phone down during a conversation. Show me that you care for me. It’s such a wonderful feeling.
• Commitment phobic. Who do such men exist in this earth? They should have their own planet. They are selfish.
• Guys, who’re not kind to people around them, say “motherfucker” all the time and have money, but no manners.
• Guys who use “Good night, dear”. I am not your dear. DEAR O DEAR, YOU’RE NOT DEAR, You’ll HAVE FEAR IF YOU COME NEAR. IDIOTS. BLOCK KARO.
• Men who do a little touching –souching on your first date. DESPACITO. Have you heard that song?

Well, I must say that I have dated few such men in my life, but they had certain good qualities. They were not bad. Few of them were caring. Few of them were fun-loving. Few of them had great sense of humor.

My list is over. I have met my MR.RIGHT. 🙂

What about you? Would you like to share a list? WAITING!

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